I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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