And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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