I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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