So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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