Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
