Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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