Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
