Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
