Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
