I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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