I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
