How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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