After last night, I could never be a politician.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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