As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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