Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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