He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
