you guys were way drunker than both of me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So here I am, sexting at work.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
