I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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