Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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