I just threw up on my dentist
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
