google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
