i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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