You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
