I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize