i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
