i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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