I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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