rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
