Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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