Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
