Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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