you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
