To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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