The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
