you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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