She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
its liver damage thursday
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
