you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Boobs speak an international language.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
