Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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