When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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