Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
