im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
