Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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