Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
