FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
