Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
