you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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