I am spending my child support on dildos
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There are leaves in my underwear?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
