once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
