mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
