You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
