I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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