Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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