jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
