Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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