Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
