did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.