i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
