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• (518): View more from New York

  True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.

  (1-518): View more from New York

  True? Did she teach you things?

  (518): View more from New York

  She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?

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• 

  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg

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• (415): View more from California

  I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...

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• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues

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• (239): View more from Florida

  Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"

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• (916): View more from California

  Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.

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