His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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