Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.