It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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