Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Drake has all the answers
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.