i just sent this text using only my big toe
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
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Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line