I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
do herpes really smell.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
