New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.