i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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