In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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