So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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