it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Never underestimate the power of titties
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
