we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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