Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
