okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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